Anthony Weiner Spunks Himself on the Mercy of the Court

With two weeks left to go before the court passes sentence on Anthony Weiner for sexting a fifteen year old girl, the disgraced former Congressman sent the presiding judge in the case a heartfelt “I’m getting so much better, please don’t toss me into the clink” letter. It seemed very earnest. Also, timed exactly right to trying to reduce his sentence. Such is the problem with guys who only apologize after being caught and humiliated and arrested and facing prison.

“I am 345 days off my destructive behaviors and have a daily practice to help me never return to them. Every day I quietly do what I can to keep getting better, and to fix the damage I’ve done. I have much more work to do. Please show me grace so that I may continue.”

Wow, almost like Mother Theresa beseeching God to give her more time on this earth to feed the destitute and miserable souls of Calcutta. Though Weiner mostly wants to return to his New York condo and lube up for an evening on Kik.

In his letter, Weiner also addressed the damage he’d done to his wife, Huma Abedin, who was restricted from the Clinton Presidential campaign as a result of Weiner’s latest scandal. And who knows how it affected their lovemaking. Not Weiner and Abedin. Clinton and Abedin. 

Weiner made note of how he intends to speak to his child one day when the kid is older and explain to him about the bad thing daddy did to another young person and how much it hurt everybody he loved. Save for his dick, which it kind of helped, and who he loves more than anybody. So the kid has that to look forward to in a few years. About the same time he wishes he had a dad who was a former bank robber or axe murderer. Something that won’t feel quite as horrible.

Weiner could receive up to ten years for his guilty confession, though more likely to receive two years and obviously seeking to have much or all of that moved into probation type service. Maybe a little community service taking out the trash at the local Girls Club and such. Keep praying, Tony.

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}