Taylor Swift Sexual Assault Merit Badge

Taylor Swift prevailed in her case against the Denver radio DJ who goosed her ass during a post-show photo op four years ago. The wheels of patriarchal injustice grind slowly. 

There was never any doubt that radio disc jockey David Mueller put his hand on Swift’s ass during the photo. At least if you’ve ever had the chance to meet a radio guy before. They’re ass grabbers. Like a construction worker being accused of catcalling or a politician charged with hiring an escort to take a dump on his face. They both did it. 

Mueller was fired because you can’t upset Taylor Swift if you’re in the radio business. You shouldn’t really touch the ass of any chick you don’t know, but if you feel the need, don’t pick the one who can ruin your career. Maybe go with a third cousin or the girl from Hooters who’s too tired to complain anymore about her profession. 

The only question was how many times Swift and her mom would refer to Mueller’s hand on panties for a photo thrill as sexual assault. If you asked somebody to describe sexual assault and gave them a thousand chances, nobody would mention this scenario. Nor were any criminal charges ever pursued. Imagine women, and famous boy men like Justin Bieber, get unwanted touches all the time. It’s all big tent sexual assault. It’s rarely made into a state case.

Swift thanked the judge and her legal team for “fighting for me and anyone who feels silenced by a sexual assault.”

Swift has forever been the anti-hero of feminists for never sticking up for popular women’s social causes by way of Twitter, or the highly more involved, Facebook. Perhaps because as a woman she owns half the world and has built numerous fifty million dollar girls-only fortresses of solitude where she happily eats low cal snacks and throws pots. She’s always been Switzerland. Cold and stark and expensive. This case allowed her to bring rape culture to bear with herself as victim. It’s like growing six inches in between your sophomore and junior year. Congratulations. You’re making varsity.

_{Photo credit: TMZ / Backgrid}