Teen Suicide Coach Sentenced

Back in my day you could tell people to go kill themselves and not have to worry about residual criminal charges being pressed. No one really meant for anyone to actually kill themselves. And we sure as shit didn’t say that to our girlfriends. Michelle Carter meant it. She just received a reduced sentence of 15 months for playing the instrumental behind her boyfriend’s suicide solo. 

“Investigators discovered a series of text messages sent in the week prior to Roy’s death and exchanged between him and Carter, who said that she was his girlfriend. Among those were ones from her that stated: “You always say you’re gonna do it, but you never do. I just want to make sure tonight is the real thing,” “You just have to do it” and “It’s painless and quick.”

Police also found Carter’s subsequent written admission to a friend in which she recalled a phone call with Roy, who had exited his truck as it filled with toxic fumes. He told her that he was scared and didn’t want to abandon his family. “Get back in,” Carter said she told him.”

What an awful bitch. In Massachusetts, there isn’t a law stating that suicide aid is illegal. Her verdict was in part based on her refusal to call the police, who might have been able to stop him. This case has Lifetime Original feature presentation written all over it.

This cements my resolve to never have kids. Teenagers are walking meat bags filled with angst, emotion, and easily influenced hormonal impulses. That girl you meet at 16, well chances are she won’t be in your life after you graduate. Don’t listen to just anyone’s bullshit. Even if it comes from people you feel close to. Like your girlfriend. Or lead singer of a band. Now if we can just press charges against Panic At The Disco. And every other alternative emo band that encouraged kids to cut or kick the bucket with melancholy melodies. Peter Wentz, you’re the real problem here.

Photo Credit: Splash News