Serena Williams Baby Daddy Full Tilt Beta

The baby between the female LeBron and a nerdy tall techie is probably going to be some dominant new leader of species. Imagine if Bill Gates could bench press 300 pounds. Or even 120. In the interim, we’re left with the exclamations of a beta male baby daddy, Reddit co-founded Alexis Ohanian, who wants Serena Williams and the world to know amazing women are compared to men. He bleated to Jimmy Kimmel:

“[Serena] won the Australian Open while pregnant. And she remarked that she feels like it has to be a girl because everything that that baby went through and handled like a champ, only a woman could be strong enough to take on.”

Even the 17th century voodoo community might find that rather magical thinking. It’s not ideal to expose your gestating baby to undue stress, like male length match tennis, though two quick sets is probably a-ok. 

Ohanian went on to explain how he was raised by a strong and amazing mother. It had nothing to do with anything, but his training by pegging and bitch slaps is not yet fine tuned. He’s vomiting out the entire liturgy in controllable spurts.

“This is our first child and if anything, it has reinforced just how amazing and strong and powerful and awesome women are — and how useless we are. I’m like, I can make you a grilled cheese. Does this help?’ We’re worthless!”

Brain dead males walking the planet with only the ability to fashion a grilled cheese sandwich and drop things on our toes and yell, Doh! Watch any TV show. Your strong and amazing mother must have considered burying you as a baby in the sand when she saw your gender. Many others must be considering the same option given what you’ve done with it. If only you’d been born twenty years later you could be in a dress right now at the County Fair.

Ohanian shared how Serena offered to give him tennis lessons and teach him the game but he knew his performance would be so inferior and he didn’t want her to see him in such a light. Trust me, fella, that’s precisely the light she sees you in. She’ll change you before she changes her favorite sneakers and she’ll say goodbye first to the sneakers.

Using the plural pronoun “we” when referring to your gender is the single most unforgivable part of your act, Reddit twink.

_{Photo credit: Getty Images}