Miley Cyrus Topless, Tiger Woods Dick and Lindsey Vonn Vagina Done Been Hacked

Hacking seems very 2011. Or four years past the time Jennifer Lawrence and Scarlett Johansson got the FBI involved and started arresting people with real jail time. So far less fun than it used to be.

But obscure ISIS porn sites like CelebJihad and file sharing sites based in Chad still happily post stolen photos of naked celebrities, the latest of which features a hack of Lindsey Vonn’s photos from her days with Tiger Woods. If you happen to be a late 30-something sex and pill popping addict dad who keeps himself in good shape, this is going to include your dick selfies. 

The naked photo leaked also included Miley Cyrus topless with her lesbian girlfriend, Stella Maxwell, and Katharine McPhee, who was once on American Idol and has remarkably full breasts. McPhee and Woods’ attorneys have come out publicly to announce they’re going hard after the website hosting the photos. I’m sure the sites give a fuck after ten years of hosting both real and fake naked photos of people who have sued them fifty times before. Print those cease and desist letters in Cyrillic and they’re certain to be fulfilled.

The bigger issue really is why grown people keep sending naked photos of themselves to one another. You might give a high school teen a dummy pass. A grown man should know better than to snap pictures of himself naked in the mirror. Who does that who isn’t looking to get some in twenty minutes in a Buick on Grindr? Lindsey Vonn filmed herself masturbating in the bathtub. We know you do that. Tiger Woods knows you do that because he masturbates at the 19th hole bar while you tell him about it over the phone. Did you really need to immortalize it for iCloud?

It’s occasionally a good idea to ask yourself what separates you from a porn star. Maybe it’s just doing the same dirty shit you’re doing now, but not on camera. It’s an important distinction. Double anal to mouth in college didn’t happen if there’s no video proof. Miley Cyrus seems happy in her naked photos because she fancies herself a porn star. We expect more from our athletes. Or, at least, less cock. This is probably Tiger having another “unexpected reaction” to his prescribed medication. You shouldn’t have to see his dick unless you’re walking out of the Venetian with ten grand in your pocket.

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}