Leo DiCaprio’s New Model

Life for Leonardo DiCaprio is amazing. When you’re not lying about saving glaciers, you’re busy banging barely legal models. Freshly severed from ex-model girlfriend Nina Agdal, Leo’s new beau goes by the name Lorena Rae. She’s a 23-year-old empty vessel which Leo is currently filling with experience and bodily fluids. She aligns herself under proper model protocol. Sucking the right sack while posting pretentious pictures on Instagram. Ladies please take notes. Stop trying to invest in families and mutual funds. Invest in tons of makeup and a gym membership. Then maybe you too can ride Leonardo’s environmentally friendly Jet. Or at the very least Leo. 

Leo was seen with Lorena having lunch together in New York City, he took her on one of his infamous Citi Bike dates, and she was even seen aboard a yacht in St-Tropez with Leo and card-carrying “Pussy Posse” member Tobey Maguire.

I love when wealthy people go on “poor” dates to appear down to earth. I don’t ride women around on city rental bikes because I think pit stains on my dress shirt equals premeditated care and affection. It’s because I don’t own a yacht docked on the Hudson and my rent is too damn high to own a vehicle. DiCaprio is easily the man you should aspire to be. But now he’s unintentionally raised the bar for the regular guys just looking to get a casual lay. I was fine scoring on social media with women on the weekend. But now average women will believe they can land a DiCaprio since he’s opened his draft pool to Instagram models. I see why Rose let you slip away into the sea. You’re selfish Leo. 

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}