Kylie Jenner Never Got a Prom

Lost in the mandatory media adoration of Caitlyn Jenner is the fact that nee Bruce completely ceded parental decisions of his two daughters to a woman even is pea gay jock brain knew was clinically obsessed with exploitation. Also that time he killed the old lady on PCH. Those two things.

Kris Jenner’s second decision after booking the family reality show based off the previously booked sex tape, was to keep the two younger members of the clan out of school. To avoid some kind of visit from law enforcement, the Jenner girls were put through an online school that services actor kids by presenting them fake high school diplomas at eighteen provided all the checks clear. Assume they were not tremendous innate learners. But even a tattered sponge picks up a little something from a half dozen years spent attending a school daily. Dumb kids who stayed in school always fare better than dumb kids who dropped out.

In her newly teased E! reality show, Life of Kylie (get it, fuck they didn’t even try), Jenner shares her confession with her wardrobe stylist that she never went to high school, ergo, no prom.

“I was home schooled. It was really sad actually. I had to unfollow all my friends that I went to school with. They probably all thought I hated them but I just couldn’t see it, you know, because they would always post photos and they were all at the prom and I was like, ‘Can’t see it.’ It really just made me sad.”

You don’t need more than a semester of psychology to pick up on those ‘double sad’ notes. Even this cranium of marbles earnestly missed out on her high school experience. For some chicks, maybe it was just normal dating, and football games, and dressing up for prom. She missed that too. Now she’s recreating it for an episode of her show, taking some random high school kid to the prom. Not the same.

If iguanas kept in terrariums could speak, this is the kinds of melancholy notes they’d cover. This sexualized mannequin was raised in a cage of her own. While dad was trading her out to mom for the chance to dig through designer dresses in the closet. Even idiots have a subconscious. One day she’ll kill and possibly never know why. 

_{Photo Credit: Backgrid}