Jennifer Aniston Slams All H8ers In New Statement

Jennifer Aniston opens up about body-shaming, and all kinds of shaming for that matter, in a new interview for Vogue – the publication that favors underage thirty-pound near-dead models, and that is helmed by Anna Wintour, who once said: “I’d just been on a trip to Minnesota, where I can only kindly describe most of the people I saw as little houses.” So kind. And I’m sure they can only kindly describe you as the Corpse Bride. Aniston feels that little has changed since her July confessional about the pressures of female celebritydom, adding:

I don’t think it’s getting much better. I think the problem is the tabloids and the gossip columns taking the human body and putting it in a category. They’re either fat-shaming, or body-shaming, or childless-shaming. It’s a weird obsession that people have and I don’t understand exactly why they need to take people who are out there to entertain you, and rip them apart and bully them? Why are we teaching young women this? It’s incredibly damaging. I was finally like, This has just got to stop! I couldn’t hear this narrative anymore about being pregnant or not pregnant; you have no idea what is going on personally in our lives and why that is or is not happening and it feels. . . In my own brain, I’ve shifted my perspective, so who gives a shit! If you’re going to walk out and have your nipples showing, or your belly is a little bloated, or you’re not at the weight you want to be—you are perfect no matter what you are and no matter where you are and who cares! You have to tune out the noise, which is fine by me, because I just know that I’m happy and healthy and doing everything I can to be good in the world and to the people I work with. But, it’s hard. It’s something that people are addicted to: Salacious stories. Maybe [gossip magazines] will be dead one day. Who ever thought Donald Trump would be the President of the United States? I didn’t. I can’t predict squat anymore.

Not to rain on the forty-eight-year-old’s pity parade, but if she was able to have a baby now, it would resemble Gak. Might be time to lay this fight to rest and start picking a lifestyle community for the young at heart to die in. Anyone with their priorities straight wouldn’t shame Aniston for not pushing out oversized larvae. We can still call her fuckable without turning a blind eye to the not-quite-put-back-together-properly dough waterfall mom stomach.  

Aniston has made a career out of setting unrealistic body standards for women. Even in this new interview, she’s questioned about her current workout, to which she divulges:

I go in and out of [certain exercises]. I do The Class by Taryn Toomey, and I’m back in the gym with my trainer, throwing heavy boulders around and pushing medicine balls and wiggling and shaking that big rope thing.

If Minnesotians had personal trainers, perhaps they wouldn’t resemble little houses. Slamming the h8ers from the perspective of sexy millionaire is intrinsically problematic. If Aniston broke free from the bougie editorial circle jerk and actually visited these small house people, she might change her tune. Reality is a bitch. 

^{Photo Credit: Vogue (From a 2008 cover shoot – they didn’t bother taking a new picture for this interview.)}