Britney Spears Stage Rush Thwarted By Hot Oily Abs

Britney Spears stage show at PlanetHollywood answers the age old question, what is there for a middling gay dude or visiting Chinese housewife to do in Vegas for under four hundred dollars. 

Spears team puts her out there eighty nights a year because she’s yet to achieve self-awareness. Or she did a few years back, too hostages in her toilet, and they pumped her full of drugs until she forgot. If she ever visits Rekall for a vacation memory implant, that machine’s going to spark. 

This week an obsessed fan rushed the stage during one of Spears’ lip-synched numbers only to be met by six topless dudes with shiny abs and amazingly lithesome dance moves. They surrounded the trespasser with all twelve of their nipples and threats of fire and fury. Also, bitch slaps and leather chaps leg drops. 

Spears was immediately surrounded by her personal secret service as her knees buckled from fright and she asked something about the man’s gun. In her defense, she should probably be in a convalescent center on a thorazine drip, not doing burpees in half a latex dress in front of screaming outlet shoppers. 

Britney was rushed from the stage in case of any imminent danger. Everybody else stood around because they’re replaceable. The audience bitched about a buzz kill and amped their ear gauges to XXL. Once the massive attack was quelled, Spears returned to the stage and continued to pretend to sing out the rest of her show. A trooper. Closer to a Universal Soldier.

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}