Bieber Denied By Bigger Whore Theory

Justin Bieber apparently trolls through Instagram looking for hot chicks to compliment publicly and privately DM to see if they’re down to fuck. That’s supposed to be a damning comment. It might be approximating his first admirable characteristic.

A chick who works at a Savannah, Georgia gym saw an opportunity for immense self-promotion when Bieber messaged her gym’s IG account asking about the employee hoisting her reproductive hips in a supplement ad. Jessica Gober took to Twitter to explain her love of privacy:

‘Did this actually just happen… lmao Justin Bieber just messaged the gym that I work at and asked who I was hahahaha WTF.’

We know that you know that it really happened. Justin Bieber wants to fuck you. Why not shout it from the rooftops. Most girls say yes.

Gober began sharing photos of her current handsome preppy boyfriend declaring that she had everything she needed. A few more photos later at it was nearly convincing. He’d probably fuck Bieber if he’d been asked.

The reason rich and famous men go fishing for women is because it works. For every monster energy drink model who turns you down, there are ninety-nine who do not. Wide net is an effective strategy. It’s why so many of the world’s fish are in danger of extinction. You’re the one holdout and you’re milking it for attention rather than letting it slide.

There is no classy in this story. Only Bieber fucking the next chick over at your gym and you ten years from now wondering why she got the modeling contract.

_{Photo credit: Instagram / Splash News}