What Happened

As a general rule, don’t create a title for a controversial project that an eight year old can easily mock. Like Pol Pot’s ‘My Special Garden’ or Stalin’s ‘Siberian Dreams’. Hillary Clinton isn’t in a category with either of those two despots, but only because she’s repeatedly failed in her attempts. 

Clinton announced the name of her latest memoirs, because at $20 million a pop in advance from New York publishers, you’re going to want to have many life stories. To sum up her 2016 election cycle demise, she chose, ‘What Happened’. It’s phrased as a statement versus a question, but that did little to allay the online memes and title jokes in the form of answers to her questions. It’s pretty bad when even Julian Assange fires off three attempts at satire:

“But it was my turn.”#BetterNamesForHillarysBook

“Rumors of my Assangination have been greatly correct.” #BetterNamesForHillarysBook

“It Takes a Haitian Village: How I Funded My Election Campaign.”#BetterNamesForHillarysBook

Assange is fucking Pamela Anderson from inside the Ecuadorian embassy. He doesn’t need to be humorous. Like, say, a politician running for President.

The plain white canvas top is the second big mistake. Photoshop almost too simple. People inserted all kinds of serious and not so serious visual answers to the question implied from the title. You have to wonder who she’s going to call a dipshit motherfucker and have killed at Simon & Schuster. Not the guy writing the checks.

In summary, Clinton assigns blame for her defeat to the Russians, sexism, and blind rage. She probably was limited to only three. Certainly the fourth and fifth were her incredibly poorly run campaign and her brewing compost likability factor. The buck stops here. Maybe in the sequel.

Clinton gets paid even if the book only sells mildly among her hardcore sycophants who will eat up every word with a silver spoon. She’s also back on six-figure fee for speaking engagements to Saudi men with big gowns and tiny penises. 

Clinton wanted power. She got money. Some people would take that deal in a heartbeat. Not this particular angry shrew. That’s what happened.