Tara Reid Dazzles At Valerian Premiere

The brutal frat house hazing ritual that is Hollywood stardom left Tara Reid a crumpled Skeletor searching wildly for approval. How many dicks until I matter? Botches surgeries, malnourishment, and ample sunshine have reduced the former fuckable actress to a sacrificial Dorian Gray painting for all youthful and successful actresses.  

Reid graces the Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets premiere looking like a corpse in Donatella Versace drag. Nothing like inviting a teetering eighty-pound bag of bones and cartilage to liven up an event. Reid went to the makeup counter at Sears and said “One of everything.” And then went to “Wigs “R” Us” and said “What can I get for five dollars?” and “Are you holding?” The fashionista has finally learned to cover up her problem areas with her outfits. But at this point, we know what’s under there. Silly Putty. 

Not feeling a pang of sympathy for Reid is difficult. She was the one who decided to slut it up throughout the 2000’s and treat her body like a trash receptacle. But looking at the aftermath isn’t fun. Like visiting your terrible, alcoholic grandfather on his deathbed and suddenly wishing you had another day. A glimmer of yesteryear’s Reid is visible in corpse Reid’s smile. “The body is but a vessel for the soul.” But what if the vessel is melted store brand Tupperware.  

^{Photo Credit: Getty}