Justin Trudeau Jizz Splashes Rolling Stone

It’s impossible to accurately measure the erection Rolling Stone founder Jann Wenner achieves when he imagines coiffed Canadian politico Justin Trudeau as his natural born leader. Leave a generous tip for the hotel maid. Scraping cum off the drapes was not covered in orientation.

Rolling Stone’s devolution into fawningly partisan newsletter and away from all things music and counterculture and factually based reporting represents a requiem of legacy journalism like almost no other. Also Wenner saying fuck it, I’m seventy, here’s my political agenda, it’s now called Rolling Stone, P.S, handsome younger men is my couples goals.

Rolling Stone’s new cover article features the Canadian PM bottom with the titillating caption, “Why Can’t He Be Our President?”. Therein lies the essence of New York and Los Angeles media’s obsession with Justin Trudeau as a white Obama. Which means, a guy who never became President in the U.S.. Here’s a sample passage of the article slash Letter to the Penthouse Editor:

“It’s strange to witness: He [Trudeau] speaks in a modulated, indoor voice. His dark hair is a color found in nature. At home, there is a glamorous wife and three photogenic children, still not old enough to warm his seat at next week’s G-20 summit or be involved in an espionage scandal.”

He sounds amazing. I bet other people wish their hair color was found in nature. 

The subtext very clearly, I hate Trump. Or, why can’t we be more like Canada? You know, a country nobody in the world gives a shit about save for its massive petroleium production environmentalists casually overlook. Canada, the nation so much better than the United States and right next door to which almost no Americans ever move to except to play pro hockey. Canada is the ultimate straw-man country for people who dislike American capitalism to idealize as a wonderland of communal prosperity. At least since everybody found out what was really going on in Cuba and all the Muslim teens started assaulting women in Scandinavia.

Trump is not qualified to be President by conventional terms. Or by logical terms or any reasonable standards other than, the other choice was Hillary Clinton. A woman so personally unlikable, that you’d literally vote for anybody else. Trump would’ve lost to Joe Biden, a completely empty vessel of platitudes and golf claps. Don’t kid yourself. Most people in this country don’t want to do away with all of their government freebies or return to a nation of rugged individualism.

The anti-Trump hysteria, promoted further by TV people simply looking to make a buck in ratings, is not in any way rationally measured to the shittiness of his Presidential actions. By and large, most of what Trump’s actually enacted have been majority or near majority favored policies. Hardly a dismantling of all that has come before him. Imagine the response if Trudeau were a U.S. President and handed ten million in tax payer dollars to a captured jihadist combatant for having kept him in Guantanamo. Even Obama wouldn’t have done that. In fact, he didn’t even shut down Guantanamo in his eight years after declaring he would. 

Older media magnets might claim to love a radical, especially one they can imagine humping while their beta husband watches, but in the end, they all conform to the norm. You had a Trudeau to vote for. A grumpy old version in Bernie Sanders. He even lives near Canada. But you annihilated him to nominate Hillary Clinton, for no real change. Because yachts and art galas and having Mexicans to cheaply do your hedgerows is ultimately kind of nice. Change the Rolling Stone title to “Why Can’t I Just Suck His French-Canadian Johnson for an Hour?” and at least you’d have an honest question.