Emily Ratajkowski Boobs Prevent Her From Getting Work

Emily Ratajkowski bravely comes forward in the new issue of Harper’s Bazaar Australia to discuss her struggles with being too sexy and having big tits. As the popular quote of domestic abuse Pinterest boards goes: “Behind my smile, there’s a story you will never understand.” The victim speaks on behalf of all women whose sex appeal hinders their prospects in the workplace. The secret behind Bella Hadid’s success:  

There’s this thing that happens to me: ‘Oh, she’s too sexy.’ It’s like an anti-woman thing, that people don’t want to work with me because my boobs are too big. What’s wrong with boobs? They’re a beautiful feminine thing that needs to be celebrated. Like, who cares? They are great big, they are great small. Why should that be an issue?

The word “adversity” doesn’t cut it. Marginalization? Yes. Kendall Jenner and Pepsi need to address this in their next commercial. Ratajkowski is most likely rehashing an exhausted conversation about high fashion. Haute couture runway looks are made to be worn on barely-breathing coat hangers. Designers favor Eastern European teenagers acquired through catfishing. The desired waif, asexual look is a byproduct of malnourishment from off-brand government-distributed Saltines. And being a shackled prepubescent eleven-year-old.

Ratajkowski may never be a part of this dazzlingly glamorous world. Instead, she’s relegated to getting paid tens of thousands of dollars to promote Budweiser and scam music festivals in the Bahamas on Instagram. The twenty-six-year-old shot to stardom after helping Robin Thick take a stand for rape in his Blurred Lines music video. The tit-baring appearance would have garnered a different response had Ratajkowski been sporting two golf balls up front. You are your tits, Emily. Appreciate them.  

If you’re going to take sides in a battle, take the side that will win. Your chances for victory increase if the battle is fake. Ratajkowski is advocating boobs. Next, she’ll claim that pizza tastes good. Keep fighting the good fight, Emily. And keep flashing your tits.

To view this video please enable JavaScript, and consider upgrading to a web browser that supports HTML5 video

_{Photo Credit: Harper’s Bazaar}