Caitlyn Jenner Makes Jimmy Kimmel Apologize

Brave makeup-spackled linebacker Caitlyn Jenner clomped her way onto Jimmy Kimmel Live to pimp out her book The Secrets of My Life. Whatever secrets remain, no thanks. Jenner explains that, first and foremost, she is a woman of the Lord. She’ll be surprised when she learns that He has already slapped together a tacky Armenian pig pen in hell to keep the extended Jenndashians sequestered from lesser offenders:   

I am a person of faith… the last thing I had to get through was, in God’s eyes, how does he see me and how am I doing. 

Terribly. Jenner also assures us that she doesn’t represent the entire trans community. A sigh of relieve for trans kids terrified that their true identity is an aged slurring reality star so far up her own asshole that she makes The Human Centipede look like child’s play:

I am not a spokesperson for the trans community. I’m only really a spokesperson for my journey and then take my platform, which I have, and see if I can make a difference in the world.

Jenner has done the impossible by being equally disliked by conservatives and liberals. Coming up for air from Trump’s clit dick to express sympathy for marginalized trans youths is telling of Jenner’s character. She’s an idiot. No real shockers. We’ve been introduced to her challenged offspring. Jenner’s biggest show of restraint was not spelling her chosen name as “Kaitlyn.” You know she was dying to. We don’t take whorish reality stars seriously. But once you add in the word “transgender,” we have to sit back and learn a thing or two.    

The media is salivating over what could be perceived as tension between Jenner and the babbling court jester in this interview. Jenner confronts Kimmel over jokes he made at her expense during her transition. If only she had read WWTDD. She states:

Kris and I, we had gone our separate directions, not because of gender issues but because of other things, and there I was back in Malibu all by myself, and so I slowly went through, told all my children, because it had been just hammered all over the media. In fact, guys like you making some jokes…

To which Kimmel mutters “We didn’t know what was happening. Sorry about that, by the way.” What was happening is that you were creating a self-congratulatory attention vortex. Caitlyn continues to throw down the Jenndashian attention ho gauntlet. Competitive parenthood creates monsters. Like mother, like daughters.    

^{Photo Credit: YouTube}