Warner Bros. Bachelor Investigation Finds Warner Bros. All Clear

Internal corporate investigations have the perception of being rigged and whitewashed. Largely from decades of rigged and whitewashed internal corporate investigations. We don’t let the personally accused run insider probes as to whether or not they killed a man in an argument over a bowling ball during the annual Turkey Shoot.

In defense of Warner Bros. their internal review of whether or not Corrine Olympios was drunk raped on camera during Bachelor in Paradise probably was fairly thorough. They’re certainly facing a monster lawsuit from Olympios. Resuming production following a clean self-exam would look very bad in front of a future jury if an obvious snow job. Warner Bros. hired objective legal experts to watch the sex tape. They concluded, nah, she was consciously digging the old boy’s peen. 

“Out of respect for the privacy interests of those involved, we do not intend to release the videotape of the incident. We can say, however, that the tape does not support any charge of misconduct by a cast member. Nor does the tape show, contrary to many press reports, that the safety of any cast member was ever in jeopardy. Production on this season of Bachelor in Paradise will be resuming, and we plan to implement certain changes to the show’s policies and procedures to enhance and further ensure the safety and security of all participants.”

You were filming people having sex in a hot tub on camouflaged spy cams. Maybe throttle back on the respect for privacy chest beating. We probably could’ve overlooked the base hypocrisy if they hadn’t outright said they’re hoarding the sex tape. Fifteen years of shit product. You finally have a worthwhile two minutes and you’re locking it in the Disney vault next to Walt. 

It’s unclear what precise cast safety changes have been instituted since not a single one was mentioned anywhere. Like blow a .10  or below or no ass to mouth in the main pool. Maybe some fingering if you’re right around the borderline. The show will likely begin airing late this summer so the female audience who chooses which rape accusers to believe and which to call whores based on whether they like the person can be made whole again.