Rihanna Fucking Rich

It took several hours for the Internet to uncover the name of the dude seen making out with Rihanna in a pool in Spain. That provided a ton of speculation for people who are consumed with the love lives of people more romantically successful than themselves. Also more successful in every other way.

In case you thought it might be a waiter or local gas meter reader. Wrong. Saudi super rich guy. If that’s not your second guess always, you have no idea how single female celebrities roll these days. The bad guys in movies are always Russians. The guys getting A-list pussy are always Middle Eastern. Those are the rules. Maybe try to expand the travel ban.

Hassan Jameel’s family owns the largest Toyota distributorship in the whole damn desert. You don’t need to watch a ton of ISIS videos to know those dudes love their Tacomas. The family also owns a soccer league. Their hummus is never dry, if you know what I’m saying.

Rihanna doesn’t need money. She’s loaded. But nobody ever did worse by fucking a billionaire. This is like Bachelor in Paradise, except with real financial stakes.

_{Photo credit: Instagram}