Madonna Hoarding Young Men

Madonna is on to her next young victim. The Methuselah like pop singer dumped her twenty-six-year-old eldercare provider, Aboubakar Soumahoro, for the more mature thirty-one-year-old, Kevin Sampaio. Hitting her ropey veins with a needle to feed her intravenous applesauce isn’t the hard part of the job. The checks only clear after you pull aside her incontinence pads and make mother happy.

The thought of Madonna’s sex organ evokes the image of an exploded sea cucumber. But her relationships are symbiotic. Madonna wants to believe her hard partying and haphazard cosmetic procedures haven’t left her looking like the specter who haunts the boarded up entertainment lounge of a long ago retired cruise ship . Soumahoro and Sampaio are both models assuming Madonna has some sort of clout in the fashion industry. Soumahoro even got to live in Madonna’s New York City home for over a year reading picture books to her stolen children. But now it’s all about Kevin:

Madonna did not want to go public with Kevin until now because she was just trying to get to know him better and she wanted to make sure that she could trust him. She was impressed by the fact that . . . he did not go running to the press and that he kept their romance private.

The word “romance” has officially lost all meaning. Though it’s nice to find a millennial who still respects a signed and notarized NDA. Is Madonna a self-possessed mature woman getting what’s rightfully hers? Is she eliciting prostitutes? Do her old boyfriends keep turning to stone when they see ancient Jewish mystical verse tattooed on taint?

According to the Daily Mail who are British and therefore forced to be polite:

“Madonna has a long history of dating men who are two generations younger than her.”

Sort of like how Bill Cosby preferred demure and quiet women or Gary Glitter looked for a youthful exuberance in his lovers. The Island of Misfit Toys needs to rethink its capture and release policy.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}