Kris Jenner Spins Like a Spider (VIDEO)

Kris Jenner has a PhD in the manipulation of the human celery stalks comprising her family’s fan base. She can spin an embarrassing loss into a win with legendary agility. Her husband becoming a full fledged tranny and penning a memoir trashing her for being cold and calculating turns into a stagecraft of victimization kids on college campuses can only hope to achieve.

According to Vagina Dad, he had begun his transition into butterfly with ginormous man hands before conceding to the prostituting tornado that would be his third wife. Including female hormones and running his hands through dresses in women’s closets while belting out Papa Can You Hear Me? At the time, Kris Jenner had recently completed the process of cuckolding her current husband by way of all seven black ex-athletes living in Brentwood and was looking to nest with her brood. She chose a husband whose bedroom demands would be low while bringing home a nice chunk of change selling shit on informercials. 

Kris Jenner has turned the memoir reveals into a betrayal by an angry man on a loving wife and mother. And thus she cries:

“If this is the way someone feels about me after 23 years and about all the wonderful memories that I have, it’s just better for me to say, ‘You know what? I have my own memories and they were great. The last five years were hard, but I still have those great memories. So I choose to be the bigger person and just wish them well. I feel sorry for her that this is how she has her memories.”

Kris Jenner carried on for the sake of the children. God forbid the parents should split and the kids grow up to be no-good-whores. Sure, hindsight makes that seem fairly silly now.

Kim Kardashian actually latches onto a salient point about what an asshole Bruce Jenner is, something missed by the folks on the Arthur Ashe Courage Award committee:

She literally started three different families with three different people and fucked everybody over.

Hard to deny the level of destruction Bruce Jenner’s drive to be not embarrassed by his gay wrought on two women and kids even before he ever met Kris Jenner and did it to a third family. His track record of being a shitty father putting himself ahead of his kids goes way back. 

Watching Kris Jenner bawl once can’t help but remember Don Corleone holding back the floodgate after Sonny was riddled with bullets. Times have changed for the heads of the major crime families. Tears are no longer a sign of weakness to your enemies, now they’re close ups set to low scores and making you millions more.