Gwyneth Paltrow ‘Successful And Attractive’ For Edit

UV victim Gwyneth Paltrow shares her harrowing experiences with fortune and fame in the latest issue of The Edit. The sixty-four-year-old isn’t apologizing for the fact that most of the world wants to stuff her full of rose quartz vagina stones and throw her into a river. Maintaining her website Goop is an act of feminist defiance. A feminist without $125 Luminous Melting Cleanser is just a poor lesbian. Paltrow could use an extra dab. On being hated:

It’s got a few layers to it. People were fine with me as an actress, but with Goop it was like, ‘Stay in your lane.’ Women in general get a lot of pushback, especially if you’re successful and attractive… I’m not saying I’m attractive. I mean when you’re considered attractive.

Like the world needs more fake news. Paltrow is also aware that she’s looking like a microwaved Sienna Miller:

I used to exercise for two hours a day… An hour of cardio and an hour of weights. But there’s just no time anymore. I’m getting old, my back hurts! It’s depressing. Some days, the gym gives me this rush of energy and I feel amazing, but then my body’s like, Fuck you.

Paltrow was lampooned for labeling her split with the creator of deep music for idiots, Chris Martin, as a “conscious uncoupling.” Code for she oversteamed her vagina and he was sick of fucking a marsh.

I wanted to turn my divorce into a positive. What if I didn’t blame the other person for anything, and held myself 100% accountable? What if I checked my own shit at the door and put my children first? And reminded myself about the things about my ex-husband that I love, and fostered the friendship? What I put myself through to get there was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Paltrow was swallowed by Hollywood disillusionment and shit out as a staunch advocate for underrepresented millionaire fashionistas. The former hot actress is a repressed soccer mom with too many resources to be self-aware. She already tried moving to London but found out what Madonna did years earlier doing the same, meh, people in other lands don’t like you all that much either. Quit running and start doing more hiding.

_{Photo Credit: Edit}