Britney Spears Arching Toward Gomorrah (VIDEO)

Britney Spears’ puppeteers are getting more sophisticated with their maneuvers. They can even make her touch her toes and run on a treadmill. The 2017 Spears has officially graduated from the zombie stumbling around on stage with baby food dribbling down her chin into a sexy gym rat. Fans refer to the new Spears as self-possessed and happy. She’s living on Thorozene omelets, so yeah, she’s happy.

The thirty-five-year-old Spears gets bendy while showing off her tight bod in a new Instagram video. For years people mistook her high-waisted pants and strategic posing as skinny. Spears was coming down from a nuclear meltdown and that damn 99-cent menu at Mickey D’s so all is forgiven. Now she’s actually in shape. Her scraggly hair, excessive eyeliner, and tramp stamp help her stay true to where she came from. 8 Mile with a Southern accent.

The world’s oldest Teen Mom is currently being penetrated by the twenty-three-year-old star fucker Sam Asghari. Whatever keeps you young. Lesson to current celebrity basket cases: get a lobotomy, stay bangable, post shameless workout selfies on Instagram, and fuck someone who can’t rent a car. Your hair will brush itself.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}