An Old Man Made Some Babies and the World Is Going Crazy

George Clooney has fucked a hundred women. The last one he let keep the baby and the media and celebrity world has taken on the role of the incredibly doting Wise Men.

Clooney and his politically perfect wife Amal had twins. He’s fifty-six which is right about time to have your first kids if you’re rich enough to never have to miss a good night’s sleep and can pay Mike Trout to be their Little League batting instructor. Anticipate the forthcoming People exclusive about how George loves to change diapers. It’s inevitable. 

Celebrities in the larger Clooney social circle, or everybody worth more than ten million who went to Clinton fundraisers, have been teasing the amazing gifts their sending the Clooney twins. Presume the gifts aren’t needed. But it’s a solid opportunity use trending babies to bring attention to yourself. Thanks for the four thousand dollar twin pram; seventeen seems like the right number to own.

Perhaps nobody out PC’ed Baria Alamuddin, the new grandmother, who bought the babies fair trade organic gender non-binary onesies. Which is odd only because the Clooney’s already announced they had one boy and one girl. Huge faux pas. That kid is never getting into a Westside preschool. 

Hah, Ellen can’t not be funny.