Miley Cyrus De-Slutting For Country Career

Miley Cyrus covers the latest issue of Billboard looking like she’s best friends with Jodie Foster’s titular character in Nell. The look signifies her return to country music for an upcoming untitled album. Cyrus promises to stop wearing bedazzled pasties for progress. She’s moved on to another affected caricature. The down-home country songstress. She’ll need to be physically abused by an opioid dealer before she can really reign in the Nashville scene:

The fact that country music fans are scared of me, that hurts me. All the nipple pastie shit, that’s what I did because I felt it was part of my political movement, and that got me to where I am now. I’m evolving, and I surround myself with smart people that are evolved.

Her new clean image also involves a zero tolerance policy:

I’m not doing drugs, I’m not drinking, I’m completely clean right now! That was just something that…I wanted to do. I like to surround myself with people that make me want to get better, more evolved, open. And I was noticing, it’s not the people that are stoned.

Cyrus’ biggest secret is that she’s immensely talented. No one wants to admit it. Endorsing Cyrus is endorsing a ravenously attention-seeking dirt ball who resembles Pigpen more than her former Hannah Montana self. Her work was antithetical to her ideology. A real departure from most of Hollywood. That was sarcasm:

 “Come sit on my dick, suck on my cock.” I can’t listen to that anymore. That’s what pushed me out of the hip-hop scene a little. It was too much “Lamborghini, got my Rolex, got a girl on my cock” — I am so not that.

Maybe Cyrus will finally allow herself to look desirable to men who care about STDs once more. This Billboard spread is a good start. Artists need to reinvent themselves. So do fake artists. When you think about the poor kid who had to airbrush away all the tattoos, you could write a country song yourself.

_{Photo Credit: Billboard}