Katy Perry Hates Taylor Swift

Pop music star battles are the encephalitic younger cousins of rap star battles. Just smile and hand it that balloon it keeps staring at.

It’s odd that in the art form most designated by group creation and computer involved productions, titular front women are going at one another in lyrics as if battling personally. The least personal thing Katy Perry or Taylor Swift or Ariana Grande or Nicki Minaj or Miley Cyrus ever create is a song. It’s like the President threatening a foreign dictator. It’s easier when you get to push the button and send fifty thousand armed men you don’t know to back up your tough talk.

If Katy Perry hates Taylor Swift for some middle school girl fight reason, she could say it to a mass of assembled microphones or directly to her tens of millions of Slovakian Twitter followers. Doing it via an auto-tuned collage of a musical production with a ten page long employee credits list and idiot basketball metaphors is simply the lamest personal attack ever.

According to outraged Taylor Swift fans, including Ruby Rose, the most obnoxious person I ever sat next to on an airplane flight in my entire life, Katy Perry’s new song, Swish Swish, is a diss track aimed at Taylor. For what is anybody’s guess. Or the next twenty hours of your time wasted at work arguing on Twitter about. How’s that inexcusable gender pay gap coming?  

How can you move past the insipid sporting lyrics:

Swish swish swish, another one in the basket

Can’t touch this, another one in the casket

It’s not that you’re no poet. It’s that you’re not really even singing. Or playing basketball for that matter. What is your connection to this music and what the fuck is your beef with Taylor Swift? You both won the pop music star lottery. Five women must be chosen. You got the numbers. Have you seen the fat secretaries who win the Lotto? They thank Jesus, buy their kids each a Ford economy class vehicle, and go back to work awaiting Florida telemarketing scams to clear them of their cash. It’s not the best example to follow, but it’s worlds better than Swish Swish.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News