Gisele Bundchen Rebuffed

Gisele Bundchen went on CBS this morning while still drunk on mimosas and claimed Tom Brady suffered a concussion which was unattended to, a sort of conspiracy theory minus the interesting part. It looks increasingly like this was a total fabrication and that Brady simply told her he had a concussion because he didn’t want to talk to her. This allowed more time for him to visualize the play by play outcome of the Bills game and for her to stick a rolling pin inside of herself while crying.

The NFL is vehemently denying her claims, and they’re on the record as being confirmed liars so take that with a grain of salt: 

“We have reviewed all reports relating to Tom Brady from the unaffiliated neurotrauma consultants and certified athletic trainer spotters who worked at Patriots’ home and away 2016 season games as well as club injury reports that were sent to the league office. There are no records that indicate that Mr. Brady suffered a head injury or concussion, or exhibited or complained of concussion symptoms.” 

Yeah, but still. I’ve been talking shit without repercussion for the past twenty years. People especially tend to listen and laugh at my jokes when my ass is up in the air. It also really helps with contract negotiations. If Tom Brady weren’t suffering from stage four Asperger’s he might care about this. As it is, nobody does. Now cash your Nazi inheritance and leave us be, annoying string bean. 

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