Former WNBA Teammates Wed

Prior to the Phoenix Mercury’s heavily not anticipated season opener, current player and former league MVP Diana Taurasi announced that she had married Penny Taylor, a former teammate whose couch is certainly covered in dog hair. Taylor is now the director of player development for the Mercury. That’s kind of like being a mechanic at a demolition derby.

As players, the pair won three championships together to the delight of dozens of fans who appreciate a good vegan gravy and can’t stand that obnoxious Ben Affleck guy. This likely means that the two of them were having aggressive lesbian sex with each other during most of their playoff runs. Apart from the obvious reasons, the missed layups, the constant falling down, this should serve to illuminate why the WNBA is not a viable business, which it is not. It is subsidized entirely by the NBA and loses a ton of money. It’s a charity, perhaps the worst charity in all of the world. 

You can’t run a respectable sports league when you have teammates going down on each other. If Tony Parker had been blowing Tim Duncan, Popovich would have him traded immediately. It would completely ruin the offense. You didn’t give me the ball on that possession, I’m going to take it out on you in the Hilton tonight. Keep feeding me in the post, I promise to do that thing that you really like.

Players on different teams are most certainly hooking up too, which could explain the abysmal defense. It’s completely ludicrous, and just one of the many reasons this league is attended exclusively by homeless people who need to get out of the sun and activists who are psychotic enough to pretend to enjoy the games. We gave women the right to vote, the next step is abolishing the WNBA. As long as it exists we won’t have true equality. At least it explains those extended post-up sessions. 

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