Busy Phillips Crackhead Wisdom

A highly agitated and itchy Busy Phillips took to Instagram to go off on one of those rants you see people doing at the bus stop with a load in their pants. The difference being Phillips is occasionally on TV so people aren’t questioning what is wrong with her. Maybe it’s meth, maybe it’s Adderall. Oh, you have a prescription? You must be one of those highfalutin tweakers.

Phillips went off on an impromptu lecture explaining that she takes money to promote stuff on Instagram because she can’t earn enough with occasional acting roles. Cue the record scratch. You mean publicly exposing a substance problem that has turned you into Delonte West’s doppelganger is bad for business? Phillips elaborated on her plight as an Instagram product huckster:

“I just only choose things that I genuinely like and like, would want to partner with, like, for instance, my Michaels partnership, which, you know, is my favorite thing of all time. And I’m doing one next week, I think, that feels like me… But, like, yeah, I mean, unless it was like, a billion dollars, I probably wouldn’t do something random and weird that people would be like, ‘Lame,’ ‘Busy Philipps sells out.” 

You literally just said that you sell out for the right price. Guys do this all the time with the Would You Suck A Dick game. Yet when Elton John descends onto your beach in a chopper and throws you a stack of hundreds to suck him off in the bushes, you typically keep that to yourself. At the very least you don’t take the money and then go on Instagram with rattling pupils and rationalize yourself to the general public. You’ve now ruined the illusion that you’re incredibly passionate about Squatty Potty. 

There are lessons to be learned here. Coming clean on Instagram when nobody asked you to is never a good idea. Peeling back the veil is fine. Just not when it reveals a somewhat horrifying reality. 

Secondly, if you’re going to whore yourself out, do it and shut the fuck up. This confessional mentality has gotten out of control. You can’t just shoot someone in the head and then waffle on Instagram about how you’re traumatized by your own behavior and avoid all consequences. There are no Get Out of Jail Free cards in life. This isn’t the Catholic Church. 

Finally, as you can tell by Phillips’ face, drugs are bad for you. Probably even worse for you is advertising to the world that you have a problem. It’s a wonder you’re not booking any acting roles. Learn from her mistakes. Put the phone down if you’re high. Look for an embedded coffin ad between tit shots. 

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}