Brad Pitt Has Softened

Watching the Brad Pitt of 2017 is like watching a player who stayed too long in the game. This guy was once your hero. Now he’s broken and passed around by sailors in the boiler room who haven’t seen a dame in three months. 

Half a year post split, Brad Pitt has surrendered, lost, or taken a DNP on every confrontation with Angelina Jolie. Through a harrowing personal journey of growth and honesty, not to mention agreeing to see Jolie’s shrink, Pitt’s come to see that all the problems in his marriage and family were caused by his own shortcomings. It’s certainly possible. But only if you knew absolutely nothing about Angelina Jolie.

Brad Pitt has given up the drink, his entire potential to bone chicks at the drop of a hat, and any hint of looking manly in a three magazine cover series for GQ Style, in which Pitt is photographed as a melancholy beta male in various national public parks. Pitt’s trying to look profound, but he merely looks Turkish prison blue as the gaunt shell of himself stares blankly into the camera. What the fuck happened to the cocky man from Ocean’s Eleven?

Pitt claims he’s too sad to sleep at his former home where the kids lived so he’s been crashing on the floor of a friend in Santa Monica. Because Brad Pitt’s friends can’t afford guest rooms. Or couches. It’s either made to sound pathetic or it merely is. Wealthy 53-year old’s don’t pack it in on friend’s air mattresses. Not when they’re sober.

Pitt reminded readers to go see “Angie’s new movie”, the Cambodian killing fields uplifter. Stay until the end when Jolie gives a special thanks to Pitt for carrying her purse. This is hard to watch. Pitt’s complete emasculation that is. Jolie’s movie I wouldn’t even attempt.

_{Photo credit: GQ Style}