Oklahoma Football Getting Weird

Former Oklahoma Sooners defensive back Lawrence “LJ” Moore was arrested for pimping out one of the team’s former cheerleaders, Micah Parker. Solid porn name. Parker happens to be the daughter of the team’s cheerleading coach, meaning that person should be immediately detained and questioned because she’s probably aware of the next Sandusky, if she is in fact not him. Someone got to this girl, repeatedly. You don’t become an Oklahoma City prostitute with a Milli Vanilli pimp unless someone erased your childhood. 

This can’t be how they pictured it happening, being raised on Friday Night Lights in the heartland. The young stud throws the cheerleader a wink, she blushes, maybe he buys her a burger and a malt after the game, they leave arm in arm. Parker, 23, was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer for $200. She then attempted to flush a bunch of cell phones and drugs down the toilet. Classic mistake, it is impossible to flush a cell phone down the toilet. You would have equal success trying to flush a couch down the toilet. Codeine must be amazing. 

See more hot photos of OU cheerleader Micah Parker HERE

After police went through her phones they deduced that Moore had been pimping her out. It’s unclear if they had a warrant or if that is in any way legal, or if anyone raised their hand and asked why they were using taxpayer money to have people pose as johns in a Motel 6 and ruin the dreams of Sooners fans. Either way, 200 bucks seems like a pretty solid bargain for a Division I cheerleader.

It’s also completely bizarre that pimps still exist when they’re been rendered obsolete by the Internet. As a matter of fact, so has Oklahoma City. Move out of the sticks, bored people left to their own devices start getting really strange. Also if you’re going to have a pimp he shouldn’t look like a lesbian WNBA baller. Don’t you have shitty TV shows down there? 

_{Photo Credit: Oklahoma City PD}