Kendall Jenner Coming Out of Hiding

Kendall Jenner has been on lockdown since the Pepsi ad backlash which had absolutely nothing to do with her empty vessel performance for which she was precisely hired. The family thrives even more than Trump on controlling the media story. Good or bad news, they want to be the ones controlling the story through People, Us Weekly, and TMZ. The uncontrolled Pepsi ad rampage forced them into a defcon five posture. Kendall was thrown into an animal carrier and shipped to a safe house in Mumbai. The nice part. Kris Jenner was shrouded in gauze and placed into her sarcophagus in the basement of a Thousand Oaks Marie Callender’s. Kanye abstained from being bottomed. Total lockdown.

Jenner has announced she’s making her public return at a sponsored Coachella event this weekend where she’ll be guest DJing. It’s like when Reagan gave the A-OK hand gesture to reassure the nation from his hospital room window. Only Reagan wasn’t locked into a six figure live appearance fee with a dating app. Maybe he was. Who knows what went on before the Internet.

Kylie Jenner has agreed to be at her sister’s side for her Coachella appearances. Like a therapy dog, if you wanted to fuck a therapy dog under a fake name and brag to all your friends. From the family’s reaction, you’d almost think something happened to Jenner beyond being participating in a shitty Pepsi commercial that never even aired. Surely the two million helps heal the mental wounds. Also being really stupid must work in your favor. There didn’t seem to be this much panic when Lamar was airlifted comatose out of a Nevada brothel. Blood first. To insanity and beyond.

_{Photo credit: Love magazine}