Erika Jayne Makes You Want to Adopt an Older Whore (VIDEO)

It’s tough telling the Courtney Stodden’s of the world to quit it, when women like Erika Jayne are making a few million with bleached blond hair and auto-dubbed dance music videos featuring their 40-something fake tits. It’s a whimsical business with random standards for success. And why men prefer sports. 

Jayne’s reached B-list status with a gay cult following and what that means to successfully booking Bravo TV gigs. If you’ve seen Andy Cohen titter in her presence, you know she’s golden in the basic cable sorority. 

Part of Jayne’s shtick is how much money she spends monthly to maintain her diva lifestyle. It’s Mariah Carey minus a zero but at forty grand per you can be certain her successful lawyer husband is insisting she cover the cost. He can find her minus twenty years within fifteen minutes at an upscale Hollywood Hills party.

Jayne spends the dough on clothes, jewelry, a full time hair and makeup team, Botox and fillers, massages, private trainer, and eating out for every single meal. Pretty mundane shit. So much so, it’s all her producers could come up with for her latest soundalike single, XXPEN$IVE. It’s unclear how many popper inhales it takes to make this seem enjoyable, but five sounds about right. When you’ve lost all sensation in your sphincter, you’re there.

At some point the crypt keeper will be informing Jayne she’s too old for this shit. There are a thousand clone women waiting to take her spot. If you want to delve into sadness, imagine what happens to the 999 that don’t get it.

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}