Emmanuel Macron’s Tender Statutory Rape Love Story

Since Trump unexpectedly replaced Obama as President, there’s been an effort by the majority of journalists and bloggers to recast any major election in the world in the Trump versus Obama archetype and type hard for the “Obama”. It will eventually descend to student council elections in purple state high schools. The press is fairly desperate for a win.

The French Presidential election is headed for a runoff election between Marine Le Pen (the “Trump”) and Emmanuel Macron (the “Obama”). Le Pen is routinely described as alt-right because since that term was invented everybody loves using it blindly. Also, nobody knows shit about French politics. Bernie Sanders would be alt-right in European politics. Le Pen supports a 35-hour work week, five weeks of mandatory vacation, minimum wages, pensioned retirement at sixty, and lifetime protected employment for government workers. The Democrats in the U.S. would disavow all of that. Le Pen doea want to shit can open waves of immigration in France which is the sore point for global journalists.

In stark public image contrast is Emmanuel Macron. He’s described routinely as the centrist candidate, even though up until a year ago he was in the Socialist Party. He founded his own party, called En Marche! or Forward!, because nothing says I stand for nothing important like a meaningless slogan with an exclamation mark. Stronger Together was already taken.

Macron’s electability is tied to being a pleasant looking young guy married to an old woman. Macron is 39, his wife is 63. You don’t know any guy in his 30’s married to a woman in her 60’s. It’s novel. The press are climbing over each other to hyperbolize the unconventional love story. It’s Southside With You, with a Mary Kay Letourneau twist. Macron’s wife used to be his high school French Lit teacher. Or presumably just Lit in French schools. He was fifteen and she was thirty-nine and married with three kids, two of whom are older than Macron. They fell in love. What could be more French? Also, illegal, even in France where teen prostitution forms the backbone of the arts and culture.

Macron’s parents sent their son away to boarding school in Paris when they discovered the illicit love connection. When Macron turned eighteen, his teacher divorced her husband and moved in with him. 

Macron’s wife, Brigitte Trogneux, has a convenient answer when asked to pinpoint the time the romance began between herself and her high school freshman student:

Nobody will ever know at what moment our story became a love story. That belongs to us. That is our secret.

Clever. A Nicholas Sparks twist on a defense attorney reviewed statement. The guy from Tennessee who kidnapped his fifteen year old student and took her to a naked commune in California should consider the same. Did I fuck my underaged student? That is our romantic secret. LOL Giggles.

The press is quick to remind people that the Macron’s love is more pure than Trump and his third wife nee escort Melania Trump. It may be. Though Trump isn’t running for President of France. Also, Trump is kind of gross and makes for a horrible baseline.

Rape and sexual assault are readily forgiven depending on the perpetrator and their favorability with the media. It’s a rape culture, with tons of get of jail free cards. Lena Dunham can unashamedly pen amusing anecdotes about diddling her baby sister. Female entertainment reporters can rub Taylor Lautner’s sixteen year old bare chest on TV under the guise of cuteness. Muslim doctors in Michigan can slice and sew away prepubescent girls clits without so much as a national newswire pickup.

Nobody gives a shit what happens in France. It’s France. They were last big in the early 18th century. Before you do rape, ask yourself if you’re on the right side of political forgiveness. Socialist presidential candidate’s wife, pass. UVA frat boy, not so much. If you’re in the middle, it’s a minefield. Stick to eighteen and over just in case.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}