David Schwimmer Teachable Moments (VIDEO)

David Schwimmer took time away from splitting with his cocktail waitress baby mama to launch a video series exposing common everyday moments of sexual harassment. Surprisingly, picking up your cocktail waitress didn’t make the cut. 

Schwimmer called upon his reasonably big actor friends to appear in a half-dozen macabre vignettes featuring women being made to feel super uncomfortable by men in positions of authority. The title: #ThatsHarassment. It’s not a pound sign, it’s a period at the end of the discussion. That’s how science gets settled.

In “The Photographer”, Bobby Cannavale urges the female model in his photo shoot to be more sexually provocative than she had anticipated. It’s super alarming if you’re a child and not yet cognizant to how modeling works. Also, if you’ve never seen Fame or read any articles on Terry Richardson. 

In “The Doctor”, Cynthia Nixon sees her doctor but he’s on vacation so she lets a random guy in a lab coat she’s never met give her a physical. Like in Soviet era Russia. Or an American HMO. The bad guy from House of Cards portraying her replacement doctor proceeds to give her an unnecessary breast exam. ThatsHarassment. Or technically, sexual assault. Bypass Schwimmer hashtags and call the cops.

Since that never really happened to Cynthia Nixon, she relayed another harrowing tale of humiliation at a man doctor’s office. That time she took her sick infant to the pediatrician in a state of panic and the doctor spoke down to her because she’s a woman. 

He kept brushing off my concern rather than directly answering me. I actually started to cry in the appointment, which is not something I do very often, in a situation like that. I was so upset. He started to sing the “M-O-T-H-E-R” song. “M is for the [million things] she gave me…” It was unbelievable. And again, if I was a dad, I mean, there isn’t a dad song. He wouldn’t have done that. It was insane. I didn’t go back to him after that. And that’s the thing, he was a very good doctor but I think the level of disrespect with which he felt free to treat me was related to the fact that I was a woman.

Kindly old doctor sings to calm down a hysterical mother. Nuremberg Trial that callous motherfucker. Ignore the babies lives saved. He sounds like a maniac. Perhaps sitting through a few more Schwimmer long form PSA’s will re-educate Old Doc Brown.

The TV show Friends ruined Schwimmer. He admits it himself. Outside the truckloads of cash, he’s found typecasting misery. Also the teensy-tiny possibility he’s not particularly talented. This video series isn’t meant to make creepy fashion photographers consider going back to thoughtful Sears Portrait Studio puppetry. It’s Schwimmer getting his new reel out to market in the most politically correct way possible. Dude needs a job. You’re the one who has to suffer. Ironically, ThatsHarassment.