Britney Spears Insta Sex Slave 4 U

Britney Spears should make everyone clinically depressed. Instead, we celebrate the fact that she’s simply alive. It’s a low bar. The pop star’s custodians must be sprinkling uppers into her Prozac-laced mac & cheese. Somehow she’s been keeping off the weight. Nobody respected the fat Britney Spears. Instagram has been the go to place for her handlers to flaunt their hard work. In this most recent video Spears pals around with her contracted boyfriend while showing off a Myrtle Beach-ready body. 

Clips of the thirty-five-year-old performing at her soon-to-expire Las Vegas residency are reminiscent of the drugged up sex slave auction in Taken. Fans are desperate to think they didn’t fuck her up for life in the 2000’s. They interpret her sluggish wiggling on stage as exuberance for her craft. Instagram fuels their magical thinking.

Spears wants to find a cozy trailer park in Arkansas and scream at Maury Povich while her kids play with guns. The modern Southern belle. Instead, she knows she’ll get the hose again if she doesn’t do a thousand crunches and smile for the cameras. We benefit from her revealing social media posts. It’s a win-lose. That works.

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}