Bella Hadid Can’t Afford Knickers

The Hadid sister that nobody asked for almost flashed vag while hoping out of a car in London. Bella Hadid was leaving the restaurant Sexy Fish. Not ironic, planned. Hadid already let her pubes steal the spotlight while wearing a red dress at Cannes that never would’ve been allowed at prom. She can’t afford to wear underwear. Smoke and mirrors and pussy is her counterintelligence plan.

Recreating a visit to the gynecologist while exiting a car gets you everywhere. The fame whore Hail Mary. Hadid has less than half of her sister’s 33 million Instagram followers. Gigi doesn’t have to rely on the cliche vag-forward car exit. Minus the Crash Test Dummies birthmarks all over her body, she’s fuckable. Bella’s dream of being a Kardashian is almost realized. If she can find a black entertainer who doesn’t sing in falsetto, she’ll complete the puzzle.

Like her Lyme Disease, everything about Hadid is fake. Yolanda Foster thought ordering a second daughter at an off-brand Japanese sex doll factory was a good idea. She adjusted her setting from “shameless” to “not shameless” as a last ditch attempt. That ticking sound you hear is the countdown to a sex tape. You can only hope it’s POV.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}