Aaron Hernandez’ Boyfriend Scores Cool Watch

Aaron Hernandez’ prison boyfriend’s greatest accomplishment in life appears to have been bedding the former NFL star. That and some bad face tats. 22 year old rebel without a cause and prodigious power bottom Kyle Kennedy is reportedly on suicide watch after Hernandez wrote him a no doubt cliche ridden corny note with lifted Everclear lyrics and then offed himself. He also wrote one to his fiancee and his daughter, but we know where his heart was. This is a love story for the ages, Shakespeare would be proud. 

Kennedy is doing time for robbing a gas station with a butcher’s knife. He made out with $189, a small fortune in his native Uxbridge Mass shit hole. He then lead cops on a high speed chase but ran out of gas, no doubt making a few stupidest criminal blooper reels. While in custody at the police station he briefly escaped, perhaps because he just enjoys getting tackled. 

Hernandez reportedly gave Kennedy a $50,000 watch at some point before his death. That’s a lot of gas station robberies. This ratchety twink can probably coast on that the rest of his life. While he remains a man of mystery, we can glean some info from a profile he created on a website called WriteAPrisoner.com. If you’re familiar with it, you’re not living your life correctly: 

“Hello, my name is Kyle. I signed up on this website so I can correspond and possibly build friendships with people from around the world. I work out, read books and write to help me pass the time while incarcerated. My hobbies on the street include racing motocross, building and customizing cars and motorcycles and doing anything that includes the outdoors. I am currently working to attain my Barbering license.”

You have to imagine most of these profiles are quite similar in tone. Kennedy can be released as early as next year. He will probably be immediately killed for this watch before he has the chance to pawn it for some bath salts. If he remains unscathed and you catch him on the outside, do not let him cut you hair although if you’re in the mood for a blow job it will run you a sixer of Mickey’s. 

_{Photo Credit: Northbridge Police Dept}