Aaron Hernandez Brain Drama

Aaron Hernandez’ family is facing a real dilemma. They agreed to donate his brain to Boston University to be used for CTE research. If it comes back that his brain looked like a Tijuana stop sign, he’ll be to a indirectly exonerated for his murdering ways. Nobody’s spitting on Chris Benoit’s grave just because he tortured and killed his family. Although it remains unclear why some people with CTE merely wet themselves in grocery stores or show up at random recording studios claiming to be in the band and others decide they want to murder as many people as possible and get tattoos about it. Maybe we should just study the brains of serial murderers and see how many of them played football versus the other way around. 

If his brain comes back squeaky clean they’re going to have to acknowledge he was just a genetically evil fuck, and probably avoid all family reunions for fear of a mass shooting. 

Hernandez lawyer, who is a real life Simpsons character, had accused the prison of illegally holding onto Hernandez’ brain. How does he still have a lawyer? We get that you’re trying to bleed every cent out of his fiancee in the form of billing hours, but shut the fuck up. You’re probably the reason Hernandez offed himself. There’s plenty of murderers living fruitfully behind bars killing it at Scrabble. Officials clarified that there is no fucking issue: 

“The Office of the Chief Medical Examiner is conducting an investigation into the circumstances of Aaron Hernandez’s death, which may require further analysis of his body. Once that is complete the brain will be released to Boston University. No one is going to stand in the way of the family’s wishes for Boston University to have Aaron Hernandez’s brain.” 

The family might want to claim CTE if for some reason a civil trial is allowed to go through. They also might want to sue the NFL, who knows. What’s clear is that when the results come back they’re going to lie about them because they’re private. There’s a bad apple in every bunch. Except almost every other family who doesn’t have a serial murderer brother. Maybe get a DNA test and castrate yourselves. 

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