Tinder Improving NBA’s Level Of Play

Home teams have a record low .574 winning percentage in the NBA this season, and one unidentified general manager has theorized it’s because players are wasting much less time getting laid on the road and are therefore sleeping more and spending less time at clubs. Apparently Tinder and Instagram have made setting up a fuck session virtually effortless, leaving players plenty of time to go over the playbook or simply clear their heads while balls deep in a Milwaukee area teenager. According to a former All Star:

“It’s absolutely true that you get at least two hours more sleep getting laid on the road today versus 15 years ago.”

If you watch the NBA, the quality of play has greatly improved in the past few seasons. All those boxers who claim they can’t get laid before a fight are closet cock smokers. Sex is always the answer. Violent crime greatly declined significantly in the mid 80’s. That’s when people started owning VCR’s. When you’re able to alleviate some tension by consuming pornography you’re less likely to pull a gun out in traffic.

A little snatch would immediately dissolve ISIS. This is one of the few indubitable truths of the universe, along with don’t eat sushi on Sunday. This also marks one of the only times in recent history that anything positive has been attributed to social media. It’s not all bad, assuming you’re a multi millionaire with a massive cock. Once we get virtual reality fuck machines guys will be dunking from the three point line.