Russian Politician Devises Grand Scheme

Apparently Russia has a problem with violent soccer hooligans. This sort of behavior tends to happen when rubbing alcohol is readily available but no jobs. Curiously these guys can still afford admission. Looks like it’s wax lips for dinner again tonight kids.

During last year’s European Championship, a major brawl erupted between Russian and English fans. It is widely seen as a blight on the sport by Europeans, while Americans still see soccer as a blight on sports and don’t have to have a sporting even to openly brawl. Any Trump/anti-Trump rally will do. With rap concerts we add weapons.

Pragmatic Russian politician and avid football fan Igor Lebedev has come up with a solution, pit soccer hooligan fans from each team against each other, 20 on each side, have them fight until nobody is left ambulatory, and televise it:

“Russia would be a pioneer in a new sport. English fans arrive, for example, and start picking fights. And they get the answer, challenge accepted. A meeting in a stadium at a set time.”

Clearly this gladiator battle would be fucking awesome and would quickly usurp soccer as well as most other sports in terms of popularity. It it were franchised to America its commercial success would soar even further. Chargers fans versus Raiders fans. New York Yankees fans take on Red Sox fans, or the actual Red Sox. Beats the hell out of the celebrity game.

This idea is quintessentially Russian in its brilliance and represents some form of cleaning out the gene pool. No matter how you come down on the grotesque violence, you have to admit it’s superior to women’s sports.

Photo Credit: Tumblr