Flurry of Models With Big Tits Learning to Love Themselves

If you’ve learned anything from living post-2015, it’s that strong women embrace their curves. The curves themselves are a source of power. So, very similar to muscle but requiring less exertion.

SI swimsuit model Mia Kang spoke out on learning to stop hating her body. Men might be surprised that somebody who looks like Mia Kang might hate her body. Mostly because they can only imagine slapping it with their dicks to completion and a shit eating grin. While Kang falls into SI’s alt-bodies category, she’d be the hottest catch at your local dive bar on any given evening.

Kang was told as a child that her obesity was going to lead to diabetes. She promptly starved herself and became obsessed with fitness. That’s unhealthy, though not as unhealthy as diabetes. Look at the morbidity rates of excessive fitness versus excessive sugar cereal.

And then as soon as I became skinny — deathly skinny — I got scouted as a model. I went from one extreme to the other extreme. I saw the ugly side of people. The boys who bullied me asked me out on dates.

Sounds as horrible as getting modeling gigs and being asked out by all the boys in school can be. Obviously, you don’t want to starve yourself. Though a close approximation will open tons of doors.

_{Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated}

Iskra Lawrence was cruelly informed she was too fat to ever be a model. Lawrence showed the world that through incessant complaining and having Ashley Graham be triple booked, a heavyset British chick could also be empowered in sports bras. One day this STEM thing will be more popular for these hyper-ambitious ladies. For now, workout videos for women interested in being healthy without any obvious signs of such.

Lawrence promoted her work in Santa Monica this week, leading a group of overweight people with eating disorders in a two minute yoga session for the cameras. Everybody needs to start somewhere. Though Lawrence started a long time ago and is still fat.

Maybe speed up the RPMs, start peeking at those Jamba Juice six point font nutritional figures. Meal substitute and meal supplement are not the same thing. Does this make sense written in American?

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Hunter McGrady is another chub who SI hired to diversity their swimsuit issue. McGrady dubbed herself as the ‘curviest model’ to ever be featured in the swimsuit edition. That becomes instantly less impressive when you rightly replace the word curviest with fattest. As SI will never explain aloud, our confidential research shows that ten percent of our male audience adores tributing fat chick photos. 

McGrady set out to make a statement on the iHeart Radio Music Awards red carpet in an outfit that wouldn’t be appealing even on a skinny hooker. 

I just threw on what I wanted to wear. I feel like a lot of people try to put curvy girls in this category of ‘you can’t wear this. You can only wear this. I kind of said, ‘You know what? I’m just going to wear what I want. And so I threw it on, and here I am. I feel supersexy in it!”

As Matt likes to point out, if Kevin James or John Goodman did the same, people would laugh. Openly and insensitively, and nobody would give a shit.

There is absolutely no criminal law restricting you from being fat and donning exposing lingerie in public. The same goes for bushing your teeth, shaving your legs, or wiping your ass. Though you probably attend to those restrictive rules in order to comply with certain societal norms of hygiene and appearance.

In fact, your hair and makeup and skin look amazing. So really, it’s merely this overeating thing you’re filing under the category of oppression. The convenience of a civil right lining up with personal preference is uncanny. If you only knew how much potential lay in those tits with a commitment to diet and exercise. As a for instance, people would know who the fuck you are.