Matrix Re-Reloaded

Because Hollywood loves to bet on a winner, or bet again on a previous winner winning again since new ideas are frightening and come up relatively poorly in cost-benefit calculations, Warner Bros. is circling the idea of a Matrix reboot. Not to be confused with the two sequels to the first Matrix, both of which were so overwrought and shitty, the Wachowski Brothers lopped off their dicks and became women to hide from the legacy.

The Matrix was groundbreaking cinema for the late 90’s. Keanu Reeves was about the tenth actor on the list to play Neo. Everybody else opted out ahead of him because they lacked vision. Also, Reeves had no idea what he was signing. Will Smith was the Wachowski’s first pick. He went for Wild Wild West in order to seal his fate as a guy who picks super shitty film projects then bitches about the movie business. In contrast, Reeves literally falls backwards into good roles. It’s not even clear if he’s an actor. He simply shows up to places with a sad face and his union card. Same way Rudy got into that Notre Dame game. 

The Matrix reboot would star Michael B. Jordan who is a good actor and notably black. The Wachowski Brothers would not be involved. Nor original producer Joel Silver because his hot assistants budget and related civil suit expenses are inordinate. The studio is considering Zak Penn to pen the script. He’s written some of the more remarkably shitty Marvel movie installments so he seems perfect for an attempt to cynically milk money out of a franchise by slapping together a marketing program with an inconsequential movie turd inside. Expect ardent Matrix fans to protest and be utterly ignored. There’s only one movie left in studio Hollywood and they’re making it twenty times a year. I’ll go if Salma Hayek is CGI topless.