Madison Beer Barely Legal

Three years ago this chick performed a song on YouTube and Justin Bieber declared her the next big thing. This was about the same time he had signed her to his sub label. Though you have to believe in his objectivity. Or at least his desire to get with her. Sadly, he’s straight. The heteronormative chain only as strong as our weakest link. At least now you know who it is.

For the past three years Madison Beer hasn’t produced the promised vaunted album, but she has dated a bunch of older guys and been seen shopping around Beverly Hills with her mom who calls herself Madison’s guardian with a straight face. Think of her more as a manager than a mom. Or madam if we’re being specific.

People who believe they will save humanity by screeching at men who comment on teen girls tits had a field day shouting down guys peering at this girls big yams in her routine low cut tops. Sticklers for rules have never had much positive impact on the course of humanity. They do get punched a lot and uninvited to after work meet ups.

A day before a girl can start starring in double fisted anal porn she’s too delicate to hear people comment on her knockers? You can’t technically be a high school girl if you’re skipping high school. Partying in Paris with Cara Delevingn means you’re a woman. Tell me that lesbian vampire respects artificial ages of consent.

Doesn’t matter now. Madison Beer is eighteen. Write a poem about tit fucking her and recite it at your local alt-bookstore. You seem like a normal guy. If you really wanted to violate teens, you’d be working at a high school.

_{Photo credit: FameFlynet}