Lamar Odom’s Dick Let Him Down

Lamar Odom has a docuseries and and autobiography in the works. He needs the money. Maybe he’ll write the book himself at it will take thirty years. Like Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel except not good. Odom opened up to US Weekly about his overdose, near death, and marriage to a promiscuous Clydesdale. With each statement you find yourself nodding along as if to say, yes, that went down exactly how I would expect it to. For example: 

“Yes. Bitches and THOTs came out of the woodwork. If there is one thing I regret when I was married, it was having multiple affairs with different women. That wasn’t the stand-up thing to do. I wish I could have kept my dick in my pants.”

Who knew, having multiple affairs is not what Jesus would have done. Does it take dying and coming back to life to come to this realization? Odom also appears to be a cuckold who feels terrible for his indiscretions as if his wife Khloe didn’t fuck a new rapper every time she left her home area code. Odom explained the horrors he caused her, forgetting that being associated with the Kardashians led him to become drug dependent in the first place: 

“She caught me in a sleazy motel room in L.A. getting high with this one girl. It was atrocious. Looking back, I’m like, “What are you doing?”

Why was she at the same motel? Did she hire a private investigator? Did her producers tail you? Did the paparazzi find you, because they wouldn’t have been looking around if you hadn’t married into a coven of herpetic fame whores. This is like feeling bad about disappointing your abusive alcoholic parents with a C on the report card. 

According to Odom, Khloe once called him to meet her to talk one on one, and then showed up with a camera crew and claimed he was stalking her. The constant asshole behavior of theses clowns must have been a lot to handle. Combined with the fact that Odom himself became a self loathing reality TV asshole, the drug use makes perfect sense. Most of these athletes are man-childs, never having taken care of themselves or solved their own problems.

Next time find a nice girl with a good family and take comfort in a bottle of Sangiovese when the going gets tough. While not explicitly implicated, this is what the conclusion the great author Lamar Odom intends the reader to draw. 

_{Photo Credit: US Weekly / Splash News}