Kristen Stewart Smells Like Free Spirit

Kristen Stewart landed the cover of V magazine’s “Free Spirit” issue for being a rich girl who hates her parents and became a lesbian in her mid-20’s. That’s the free spirit combo pack. To secure her place among counterculture Hollywood, Kristen now only takes roles in films nobody outside of the European Union will ever applaud. By the same playbook, she provides cryptic responses to banal interview questions:

I was in front of 500 cameras promoting my films, but not the one. Not the intimate one. Not the one that I really care about.

If ‘intimate camera’ is a metaphor for your Victoria’s Secret model girlfriend’s pussy, that’s deep. If not, smile when you say that and exhale the deep drag on your menthol.

Stewart’s new film is Personal Shopper, a classic tale of a shopping assistant in the world of Paris underground fashion who can speak to the dead through her cell phone. So, the Sixth Sense, with much better sweaters for Bruce Willis. Also, Samsung product placement. The millennial technology laden story allowed Stewart to say something additionally profound about modern communications:

When you speak to someone on the phone, that is a decipherable, understandable exchange. But with text and social media, it’s essentially a dialogue with yourself and your interpretation of a shadow. It’s not invalid; it’s a new language.

Fuck, stop, you’re hurting my head with your truth. It ought to be enough to wear black skinny jeans and shop for knickknacks with girlfriends who you’ll later scream at, then finger fuck and cry. Why are all our take out menus vegan? The life of a true artist is never boring. 

_{Photo Credit: Mario Testino for V Magazine}