Emma Watson Expansive Feminism

Feminists used to have tangible goals. We don’t want to be raped when we wear short skirts. If my husband fucks the nanny, I get to take the kids and he pays for our new apartment. Tampons in every ladies room, not just the classy joints. Top shelf shit. Modern feminists have settled for failed Nike slogans. Empower yourself. Only you can shame you. And then the tampon thing again. That seems to be really important.

In the social media age, you’re a feminist if you simply claim the title. Similar to nutritionist and geo-political scholar. Shove a tuber up your bum for dollar bills on stage. Feminist. Get drunk on jug wine and make a pussy shaped hat. Feminist. Excalibur isn’t stuck in a stone so much as fashioned twenty pounds lighter and resting on a mantle to accommodate women taking the test.

Emma Watson didn’t take kindly to people challenging her near nude photos in Vanity Fair as betraying her feminist ideals. If you’re not sure what they are, she mentions them thrice weekly in an email blast and a brightly hued brochure. She’s a UN Ambassador for these things. That comes with free color copies. What do you got?

It just always reveals to me how many misconceptions and what a misunderstanding there is about what feminism is. Feminism is about giving women choice. Feminism is not a stick with which to beat other women with. It’s about freedom, it’s about liberation, it’s about equality. I really don’t know what my tits have to do with it. It’s very confusing.

It certainly is. You can’t betray feminism by agreeing to play a classic Disney princess. You can’t betray feminism by showing off your boobs in Vanity Fair to promote the movie. Conversely, you would be betraying feminism by not taking the fat check and signing on the for the tit promo as part of the contract. What luck to find a civil rights cause that requires of you following your own best interest.

Even Sharpton drives a beater to his sham protests in the hood. You can do better, Hermione. The man suit to Kimmel makes up for nothing.

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