Cory Booker In Love With Mindy Kaling

New Jersey Senator Cory Booker is in the bullpen for next time the illuminati need a black guy. He’s from Newark, the most crime ridden city in America. He’s really into putting cameras everywhere to catch the bad guys. Cue Dick Cheney grinning as the fresh blood of a golden retriever puppy trickles from his sneer. Fellas, we have our match. First he’ll introduce some bill about allowing your stupid ass dogs into stores and restaurants. Then, we get down to business.

He’s also most certainly a gay guy. This can be deduced from his general demeanor and face and also the fact that he claims he can’t see women because it distracts from his political ambitions. Pussy is the only reason people get into politics. You’ve just been caught with a cock in your mouth, Booker.

Mindy Kaling recently made a mundane joke about Newark on The Mindy Project, and Cory Booker made sure to tweet to Mindy about how much he loves her. She’s a woman and a minority and this would make him look really progressive to self loathing white people who would never set foot in Newark but share the liquor store murals on Instagram with a black fist emoji:

“Booker took to Twitter to tout his beloved city’s rebirth. He linked to a Vogue article citing an infusion of new eateries that offer “a fusion of American comfort food with an Indian twist.” He added a flirty “I still love you” – with an emoji heart for the “love.” “You are making my day!” gushed Booker, 47, who is single. “Thanks for the clarification. And If the (love) is really mutual… Come have dinner with me in Newark?

So, you are throwing out emojis and Vogue articles and pretending you really want to fuck Mindy Kaling? Let’s be real, and this is no dig against Kaling or her weird plastic surgery: if you’re a straight male with reasonable options, Mindy Kaling is not on your radar. She’s not an attractive woman. It would be like a hot sorority girl putting a picture of Seth Rogen on her bunk frame. It’s simply not believable. 

There are two plausible scenarios, both of which correctly suppose that Cory Booker will someday be coming out. The first is that he’s just pandering because it’s become fashionable in Democratic circles to say that any woman who has a career is some sort of demigod who triumphed over impossible odds in the face of affirmative action and NBC’s Diversity Showcase. Secondly, he might be so gay as to not understand how to pretend to be straight. Like when he sees Rihanna or Lena Dunham they’re all just a listless cartoon like in those Paxil commercials but he tells his buddy that both are hot.

Whatever the case, fucking stop. America is racist as fuck. We had a black president and people protested by voting for Donald Trump. Maybe someday we’ll have a gay president. But we’re not going to have a gay black president in Booker’s lifetime, especially one not savvy enough to pass off his every calculated move as not being calculated. That’s the game, you’re failing. Now go have dinner with Mindy Kaling at that truck stop. Make sure there are plenty of cameras around, you could cut the sexual tension with a chainsaw. 

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