Chelsea Handler Needs Writers

It’s important in life to know if you carried the team to victory or the team carried you. Conduct yourself accordingly. There are plenty of guys with multiple Super Bowl rings for being in the right place at the right time. Luck of the draw. The team equipment manager knows better than to take victory laps.

Chelsea Handler’s show got her where she got with paid writers, experienced comedic guests, and a laugh track that bolstered her ninety-seventh mug to the camera about Britney Spears into a Colosseum roar. Also, that thing with the boss everybody is supposed to pretend didn’t happen. Everything Handler puts out directly has the wit of any angry barista. 

Handler put out a Tweet trolling one of the Trump kids’ announcement of a new child on the way:

I guess one of @realDonaldTrump’s sons is expecting a new baby. Just what we need. Another person with those jeans. Let’s hope for a girl.

The common wisdom is that bystander family members of Presidents are off limits from associative ridicule. That’s weak man’s thinking. Off-limits is unfunny jokes about kids. Kate Rich’s Tweet about Barron Trump being the first home school shooter survives by way of being clever. It’s the last and most reasonable defense of comedians. If you’re merely throwing out tired partisan gripes forcibly chuckled in as a joke, you’re on your own.

Handler apologized for incorrectly spelling “genes” and blamed the entire thing on being drunk. What job allows for that excuse? Most of us lived in this same constant affirmation bubble as Handler. Until preschool when we learned our shit stunk. Grandma was lying. My askance smiles won’t get me ice cream forever? Adapt or die. Professionally speaking now, Chelsea.