Val Kilmer Gone Rogue

Depending on who you believe, Val Kilmer is either deathly ill or partying hard in the Hills on molly. He’s either skinny as a death camp patron or fat as fuck and waiting on a heart transplant. The rumors swing both ways. Though never toward anything moderately healthy or sane so assume they’re true in that respect.

Kilmer has been utilizing his Twitter of late for stream of consciousness recollections of Hollywood. Like his beloved Scientology, his liturgy seems filled with impossible to validate whoppers. Unlike Scientology, they’re free and you can sleep in your own bed. 

The wide brimmed fedora enthusiast took to Twitter this weekend to expound upon his love for the two-time Oscar winner Cate Blanchett. She doesn’t strike you as the kind of woman who has many masturbating stalkers. Though that’s probably a poor understanding of how masturbating stalkers think. 

Once I flew all the way to Australia just to talk to Cate Blanchett. Her husband met me first. Or, instead, I guess, to be accurate.

And recently I’ve had 2 dreams with #CateBlanchett in them. Her husband wasn’t in either of them.

She’s just as amazing in person. Some super stars aren’t-Some superstars don’t do a thing to ya in person-Cate is so real it’s almost unreal

Once I did a cameo just to hang w/ #cateblanchett who pickd up a shovel in our sc. I was so dazzled by HOW she picked it up I forgot my line

I mean even if she couldnt act you know what I mean? 

Kilmer’s performance art via Twitter certainly outshines Shia LaBeouf in entertainment points, though may potentially be a sign of trouble to people not himself. Cate Blanchett’s husband for instance. If you hear an intruder skimming your ice box late night, shoot first. If Kilmer gets the drop on you, people are going to wonder how you didn’t see it coming.