Playboy Bringing Back the Tits

Here’s how the free market works better than millions of baristas and NBC executives hysterically sharing fake news stories on social media. Playboy pulled tits from their magazine, people who were still buying the magazine stopped buying it, they brought the tits back. Hillary Clinton – still unemployed.

It’s unclear what possessed Playboy to pull the lone remaining draw to their waning publication. But the people making the decisions all trace their DNA back to the Old Man’s spooge, so they can’t be fired. Only mocked. If you’re willing to dig deep enough into Cooper Hefner’s psyche, you’ll find he’s attempting to modernize the Playboy brand by neutering its soul:

I’ll be the first to admit that the way in which the magazine portrayed nudity was dated, but removing it entirely was a mistake.

Playboy will always be a lifestyle brand focused on men’s interests, but as gender roles continue to evolve in society, so will we.

Along with the return of tasteful toplessness, Playboy announced they’d be running a profile piece on CNN’s Van Jones, an in-depth interview with Scarlett Johansson about the difficulties of being a working woman, and that the “Entertainment for Men” moniker would be removed from the magazine. The name Cosmo was already taken or they’d go for the full tranny.

This feels like something the finger in the wind heir apparent could’ve waited to do until after dad shed his mortal coils. The diapered octogenarian may have serious faults, but his public persona stood for something pure and anti-establishment. Not cowardly and submissive.

Tell the Old Man you’re bringing back the tits. Omit the part about mollycoddling the gender identity politickers. Nero got to play the fiddle while Rome burned. Let Hugh have a last carefree whack at the shlong.

_{Photo credit: SplashNews}