Nicki Minaj’s Publicists Need Better Metaphors

It was an up and down weekend for Nicki Minaj. She spoiled rumors that her own people planted in the news that she was pregnant by posing in a series of revealing latex albums. In the old days, women used to simply say, nah, I’m not pregnant. Social media has changed everything. For the better if you’re a chronic masturbator.

Minaj’s most recent ex, Meek Mill, one of the two hundred and ninety-seven super famous rappers that five years ago were named Damon and working nightshifts at Hardee’s, called her out during his Philly concert on Saturday. He declared himself single and yelled, “Fuck these bitches”. Slam. Or is that ghosting? A man’s feelings have been hurt, there’s no one word to describe it. Though “pussy” comes closest. 

Minaj’s publicity team called HollywoodLife insisting they be labeled an exclusive anonymous source on how Nicki is feeling about dating rappers anymore:

“Nicki’s changing up her diet. She’s tired of eating at the same rap and hip hop buffets. It’s just a lot of cheap food that taste good in the moment but leaves her feeling like shit and full of regrets the next day. Meek, Drake, she has love for them all, but they aren’t ready and will never be ready for a Michelin star entree like her.”

I take it back. The whole buffet thing is pretty on point. Unlimited pudding and orange chicken does leave you with a ton of regrets. Also, gonorrhea of the soft palate if you play out this metaphor.

It’s hard to imagine anybody would do well having all their sex life played out in the media. It’s hard to bitch about that in particular when people wanting to bang your artificially enhanced ass is sixty-two percent of your commercial appeal. I think somebody’s underestimating how hard those Michelin stars are to come by. 

_{Photo Credit: Instagram/Nicki Minaj}